I have to say that I never once thought that I would come across research like we’re talking about today. And if I had come across this research before now, I would have absolutely thought that it’s a joke. Really.
But it’s not.
This is “serious” research (well, as serious as it can be when talking about a guy’s private parts in relation to gun ownership). After all, usually when you hear someone mentioning guns and your privates in the same sentence, they’re usually some leftist implying that you own guns because you’re compensating for having a small package down there.
It’s crass on their part and intended to be both insulting and demeaning.
And the researchers who did the study that we’re talking about today admit that they went into the research expecting to find exactly that: They expected to find that men who own guns do so because they feel insecure in their penis size.
But what does the research really say? From the abstract of this research paper by Terrence D. Hill, Liwen Zang, Amy M. Burdette, Benjamin Dowd-Arrow, John F. Barkowski, and Christopher G. Ellison:
In this study, we formally examine the association between penis size dissatisfaction and gun ownership in America. The primary hypothesis, derived from the psychosexual theory of gun ownership, asserts that men who are more dissatisfied with the size of their penises will be more likely to personally own guns. To test this hypothesis, we used data collected from the 2023 Masculinity, Sexual Health, and Politics (MSHAP) survey, a national probability sample of 1,840 men, and regression analyses to model personal gun ownership as a function of penis size dissatisfaction, experiences with penis enlargement, social desirability, masculinity, body mass, mental health, and a range of sociodemographic characteristics. We find that men who are more dissatisfied with the size of their penises are less likely to personally own guns across outcomes, including any gun ownership, military-style rifle ownership, and total number of guns owned.
To summarize that in layman’s terms: guys who own guns are more likely to be happy with how they’re built down there, while guys who are insecure with their man parts are less likely to own guns.
Yes, really.
Now, if you want a humorous (if, admittedly, crass) take on this study, you can watch the video below which is where we first found out about the study.
So, there you have it.
Men who have guns aren’t compensating for something. But, to paraphrase Shakespeare, men who fuss about private gun ownership “doth protest too much” because they actually may be trying to compensate for how they feel about their stuff.
I appreciate the people who put together this study being honest enough to report that the evidence showed the exact opposite of what they expected to find. Still, the biggest question that I take away from this whole thing is who in the world actually paid for this study and why?